What your Beard Says about You

Beard
By: Mike Mozart

A beard can take on an important role in a man’s life. It can be used as an object of personal expression, serve as a source of pride, or serve as part of your disguise if you’re ever forced into the witness protection program. Where would we be without the option to grow a beard? Think of some well-known men of history: Abraham Lincoln, Che Guevera, Charles Darwin, and Colonel Sanders. Do you know where they would be without their beards? We may never know for sure but I seriously doubt they would have ended up being the leaders and go-getters they were without their beards. If you’ve chosen to join the ranks of the bold and the bearded, find out what your own facial hair communicates about you.

The Soul Patch

You either don’t understand what cool is or you just don’t care and you enjoy having a small tuft of hair clinging underneath your bottom lip. Few men can successfully pull of the soul patch so if in doubt, don’t gamble on the small chance of you being that man. Don’t call it a beard. If someone mocks it, act like you missed a spot shaving.

The Goatee

Does it make your mouth feel safe to have a warm boundary of hairy protection encircling it? The goatee can mean almost anything so make sure you have a good backstory to support it. You’re probably one of two extremes: either a man to be taken very seriously or a man that cannot be taken seriously at all.

The Chin Strap

The chin strap beard takes precision shaving and basically the thinner the strap, the more you are overly obsessed with yourself. If you have time on your hands to carefully measure and trim your facial hair every day, you’re out of touch with reality.

The Five O’Clock Shadow

Maybe you’re lazy or maybe you were just up too late being awesome and you didn’t have time to shave this morning. People will be able to tell which of the two you fall under. The shadow can carry a hint of mystery and adventure, especially if it’s not your typical look. People may not help but wonder why you weren’t able to shave.

The Long Chin Beard


Are you a biker a gold miner or a wizard? Those are the only people authorized to isolate a long flowing growth of hair that protrudes solely from the chin. If you wear one, people will probably ask you which of those three groups you belong to.


The Full Beard

The fully bearded man is a man on a mission. He doesn’t have anything to prove, he’s already proven it. He has the patience, endurance, and confidence to pull off a feat of excellence. Of course there was that shady period of limbo in the early stages of his facial hair growth project when others were unsure of what he was trying to do. But the big deal is that he made it. When the time comes to say goodbye to the beard you’ve grown so close to, people will continue to associate you with the fine beard.

Like us on Facebook