People have spent a lot of time explaining to dudes that they should not be sending unsolicited pictures of their genitals. * This is solid advice, dear readers. When you’re in doubt about whether you should send a glamour shot of your junk to a stranger, it’s best to err on the side of not doing it.
That said, if you must send a photo of your package to someone you don’t know, why not send it to someone who’s requesting them?
Madeleine Holden is the creator of Critique My Dick Pic, a Tumblr that is exactly as advertised. (Super not safe for work link here.) People submit photos to her, and she posts some of them while critiquing the pose, framing, lighting, use of space, use of color, setting, creativity, and how all these aspects work together to make an interesting, sexy dick pic. What she does not do is critique dicks or bodies, which she views as a pointless endeavor, and I’m inclined to agree. One person’s penile preference shouldn’t be elevated as dick scripture.
As strange as the endeavor may seem, it may be a good idea to peruse Critique My Dick Pic or send in a photo a few reasons.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well
This includes taking dick pics. Assuming that you’re sending this photo to someone who agreed to it, you probably want something more seductive than the photographic equivalent of yelling, “PENIS!!!” By all means, get some photography basics down, move your dirty pile of laundry out of the shot, and do something besides a clinical, disembodied zoom in. It’s helpful to have examples and feedback on any skill you want to improve. Sometimes that’s cake decorating, and sometimes that’s dick pics.
Holden receives too many submissions to do a post on everyone, but for a modest fee she’ll critique your photo, and for slightly more she’ll post it on the Tumblr. Some may cringe at the idea of her asking for payment, but, in this case, I say if there’s a demand for the service she’s entitled to be recompensed for her time and effort.
Look at all those normal dudes
Americans don’t have a culture of nudity, which means our movies are PG-13 if a teenager is stabbed to death, but NC-17 if there’s full-frontal male nudity. It’s weird, but there it is. For most Americans, it’s unusual to see the bodies of other people, especially if those people aren’t some kind of professional naked person. We don’t have a great concept of what’s normal or desirable because of it. There’s a lot of misplaced anxiety and shame about bodies, which includes men.
Holden makes it plain that she attempts to have a wide representation of people on her Tumblr, including people of color and trans folk. There’s such a wide range of what normal entails that it makes sense to try and show it. If you’re unsure if you’re normal, think you look weird, or believe that you’re in someway physically deficient, looking at some of the photos on Critique My Dick Pic may do you some good.
What women want
For the guys not interested in women, this point is less salient; Critique My Dick Pic is based on one woman’s preferences, and she doesn’t represent every woman on Earth. All the same, it can be eye-opening to see what a woman finds interesting or arousing as opposed to what some men assume is the case. If you go off of what is in a typical porno for a hetero, male audience, you’d think women are looking for a disembodied penis large enough to threaten Tokyo as it rises from the sea.
Because I actually had to research why guys send dick pics to women, it seems like if you’re not trying to freak people out, you hope something nice will happen. But if you want something nice to happen (reciprocation, a roll in the hay, a high five, etc.), you need to send something a woman would like.
The first rule is, of course, that any photos should be of and to consenting people of age (looking at you, Weiner). But for Holden to highly rate a dick pic, she emphasizes the need for personality, visual narrative, and individuality. The good news is that none of these elements requires a terrifying crotch monster, but the bad news is too few people realize it.
You can read more about why Madeleine Holden started Critique My Dick Pic here.
*I cannot emphasize enough that I do not want your dick pics, no matter how artfully shot.
Last modified: November 15, 2016