Men’s Trait D-bag of the Week: Rick Tyler of Tennessee

Written by | Satire

MT Douchebag

We haven’t done a D-bag of the week in a while. Sorry about that. But we’re back at it, and we promise to be more consistent in this regard. We have a number of solid nominees this week, but we’ve got a terrific winner.

First up, we have Nathaniel Peters and Martha Jane Sloan…er, Peters for their douchetacular wedding announcement in the New York Times. Feel free to read it, but you may want to get one of those airline barf bags. They’re not our winners because Will deFries at postgradproblems.com already went in on them. My favorite part, when Nathaniel (and you just know he gets all prissy and butthurt if you try to call him “Nate”) was described as “heady” by one of his friends. Allow Mr. deFries to retort:

I’m fairly certain that when I describe someone as “heady,” I’m not using it in the same way as Nathaniel is using it. My heady friends smoke weed and have usernames on Nugs.net. Nathaniel simply means that his friends have pretentiously intellectual conversations before dancing in the kitchen. I get the feeling a third of his friends have been in acapella groups at some point in their lives, and that’s a low estimate.

Our next nominee is Hillsborough County (Florida) Commissioner Stacy White, who filed a “hostile work environment” complaint with the county HR department because the City of Tampa raised a rainbow flag in solidarity with the victims of the Pulse nightclub massacre in Orlando. “I wish to state for the record that, even if there is deemed to be zero liability from an HR perspective, it is still — in my view — unconscionable that the county administrator didn’t express to the board that this divisive symbol might create an uncomfortable workplace environment for many of his employees.” Divisive symbol, she says, before promising to “see you next Tuesday,” I’m imagining. The CNN article actually contains a murderer’s row (pun intended) of D-Bag of the Week nominees, including Pastor Roger Jimenez of Sacramento, California, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, and Donald Trump (who is ineligible for the Award, because, let’s face it, nobody else would have a chance).

Speaking of Trump, our First Runner Up for the Men’s Trait D-bag of the Week Award is self-styled Patriot and 3 Percenter Jim Stachowiak. First let’s take a look at his video, which was submitted for our approval by a staff member who found it on Reddit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5abq7Pgp3K8

Watching this video on Wednesday sent me down a 45-minute clickhole in which I learned about the afore-mentioned “3 Percenters,” which is based on an apocryphal (is there a more appropriate word for 2016 than “apocryphal?”) view that the Continental Army during the American Revolution was made up of 3% of the population of the colonies. As you can imagine by just looking at this asshole, fondling his penis extension brandishing his assault weapon menacingly as he lisps through a litany of conspiracy theories a promises to meet Black Lives Matter rioters with armed resistance in Cleveland. A couple of highlights of said clickhole:

  • Jim mentions the “Black Lives Matter Rapper” Ted (sick) Poe. He meant Tef Poe. Ted Poe is a Republican congressman from Houston, Texas. Tef Poe is featured in this Infowars article. Jim gets a lot of his info from Infowars.
  • Jim says there were 6 white women found chopped up in freezers with “Black Lives Matter” written on their hands. I couldn’t find that, other than Snopes debunking it, natch. But I did find this article about 19 women being found in Chicago with “Black Lives Matter” carved into the skin.

We reached out to Jim for comment and he hasn’t responded as of press time.

In any normal week, Jim would have won going away. But this is no normal week. For our winner, we stay closer to home, in Tennessee (Men’s Trait’s offices are in Middle Tennessee).

Men’s Trait’s D-bag of the Week: Rick Tyler

Rick Tyler is an independent candidate for congress in Tennessee’s 3rd Congressional District who put up a couple of billboards along Highway 411 near Benton, Tennessee. One of them said, “MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN.” The other one said, “I HAVE A DREAM” above of picture of the White House festooned with Rebel Flags. Is there video? You bet there’s video.

Of course he only believes in “truth,” and if people don’t like it, too bad. I wish I could say something funny about this. But just look at this smug prick. He puts 1965 as the year that “social engineers” started changing this country for the worst. I’m curious if he’s referring to the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which finally gave black people the right to fully participate in elections. Ironically, he takes a shot at the “pathetic” 18 year-olds who need “safe spaces” in universities, comparing them to the 18 year-olds who “stormed the beaches of Normandy.” But what exactly is “MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN” than a call for the creation of one giant safe space for pale wrinkled phallus crania like him? His entire campaign website is plagiarized from V-Dare and Stormfront. Let’s a take a look!

His immigration policy reads:

A permanent European American majority must be galvanized to insure the nation’s well-being and survival. In the interest of this objective we must return to pre-1960’s immigration laws and policies, deport the vast millions of illegal aliens currently residing within our nation, secure our southern border, terminate policies that subsidize minority birth rates, and encourage the escalation of European and Caucasian immigration from such countries as former Rhodesia and South Africa in the largest possible numbers (emphasis added).

Remember that Dylann Roof had the flags of Rhodesia and apartheid South Africa on his jacket in those photos he took before murdering 9 African-American churchgoers in Charleston, 1 year ago this week. This is not a coincidence. Rick Tyler, behind his smooth talk and friendly smile is advocating genocide.

So congratulations, Rick Tyler! You’re Men’s Trait’s D-Bag of the Week. Douche with Pride.

Last modified: June 27, 2016