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Splatoon

This magical Christmas story comes from the wondrous land of West Chester, Ohio where a little girl thought she had received a copy of Splatoon from Santa. However, when she opened up the box what lay inside was not the disc for the game, but, you guessed it, porn.

This is, of course, hilarious – and a little wrong, but mostly hilarious – in no small part due to the fact that a Splatoon is already the porniest E-rated game ever created. For those not in the know, Splatoon is a game about squid-children hybrids spraying their ink all over each other and every other conceivable surface, making sure that your inky load is the biggest. I’ll assume you can draw any parallels that might have to another activity all by yourself.

To be fair, the parent did everything right in this scenario. Kristy Grieder, the understandably upset mother in question, bought the game locked in a case and shrink wrapped from Target. No sketchy resaler involved, plastic apparently unbroken, game looking like it just came out of Nintendo’s warehouse. But lo and behold on Christmas morning, her seven-year-old daughter opened the box to find not a kid-friendly(ish) game, but sadly some high-quality porn.

Target gave Grieder a gift card for the value of the game, and while she is demanding more compensation, I hope she isn’t holding her breath. As for the answer to The Mystery of the Porn/Game Switcheroo – my personal favorite Nancy Drew novel – it is likely the result of another instance of a long-running prank where a game or DVD is purchased, the disc is swapped, the item is re-shrink wrapped, and then returned for a refund.

Also, just in case you wondering, the porn in question was Sensual Seductions 2, which I’ve been told by a . . . um . . . friend, is an excellent piece of entertainment.

Happy Googling.

Holidays

6 Guiltless Reasons to Ditch Your New Year’s Resolutions

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? If it’s been hard to keep them, you’re not alone. Here are 6 reasons to ditch your New Year’s Resolutions.

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2017

How are your New Year resolutions going? If you’ve been finding it a struggle to keep them, you’re not alone. Here are 6 reasons why the majority of New Year’s resolution don’t pan out, and why you shouldn’t feel bad ditching them.

1. Studies Show Resolutions Don’t Work

A University of Scranton study showed that only 8% of people who set resolutions actually achieved them, meaning that the vast majority don’t. So as a concept, resolution-setting is one that doesn’t actually work.

2. Life Changes, Goals May Need to Too

Life is unpredictable – when you set goals in January, you can’t possibly be aware of all the things that will happen during the rest of the year. This is why it’s often unrealistic to expect yourself to stick to a goal that remains unchanging, while the rest of your life evolves. Whether it’s a job change, having a child, moving homes – many things can change your life, your schedule and what you want out of your year. When a resolution is no longer compatible with the rest of our lives, we end up necessarily dropping them.

3. Resolutions are Often Impulsive

Most people don’t spend a lot of time crafting their New Year’s resolutions, which is one reason why they don’t have much staying power. When a resolution is created on the spur of the moment, whether influenced by your loved ones or sparked by something on your wish-list, the lack of follow through and viable action steps mean that it’s more often than not, fleeting and ephemeral.

4. They Set You Up for Failure

Resolutions are often created as a binary goal – you either achieve them, or you don’t. With this ‘all or nothing’ mentality, it ends up to be self-defeating. When we slip up, and we all inevitably will, we will tend to assume that we have failed at it and there’s no chance for redemption. Then, we give up, and give ourselves no room for making mistakes or trying again. Success usually is the result of many bumps along the way; more of a process.

5. They Can Make You Feel Worse About Yourself

Resolution-setting often creates an opportunity for negative self-talk. As mentioned above, when we ‘fail’ at it, we often create reasons around why we failed, criticizing and getting down on ourselves for it. This creates an exercise that is ultimately self-defeating, making you feel worse about yourself than when you first started out, and that’s not the purpose we set out for!

6. Setting Intentions is More Effective

Instead of setting goals that you can ‘fail’ at, setting intentions is a more productive way of going about it. For example, intending to keep a positive mindset, even in times of difficulty. With an intention set, you can use it to help you in whatever circumstances that you’re faced with. In that way, any time an obstacle arises, you have ammo to handle it by staying aligned with your intention.

Achieving your goals is still feasible with a proper action plan and focused intention. However, making a resolution is more like making a birthday wish – for seriously achieving feats in life, a different approach looks to prove more viable.

This article was originally featured on Wably as “6 Guiltless Reasons to Ditch Your New Year’s Resolutions”.

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Food

Healthy Recipes to Start Your New Year

It is the start of a New Year, and many have made resolutions to eat healthier. Here’s our list of quick, easy, and healthy recipes to start your New Year.

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Lemon Chicken

It is the start of a New Year, and millions of people around the globe have made and promptly broken their New Year resolutions to work harder, save money, and most common of all eat healthy. We understand it can be very difficult to eat healthy in this world of fast food, expensive organic ingredients, and little time to devote to cooking proper meals. That is why we have decided to help all those seeking a healthier 2017, with our list of the easiest healthy recipes to start your new year.

Egg White Omelette

Egg White Omelette

Omelette’s are a quick, easy, and healthy way to start off any morning. It will only take you a few minutes to whip up this nutritious breakfast as you are trying to get out the door, especially if you save time by preparing all the various veggies you plan to add to your omelette the night before. Best of all, omelettes are incredibly customizable. Have fun experimenting to find the perfect mix of veggies to truly make this meal your own. This recipe goes a step further on the health-o-meter by taking out the cholesterol filled egg yolk and leaving the tasty, but much healthier, egg whites.

Get the Full Recipe from All Recipes . . .

Strawberry Banana Oatmeal Breakfast Smoothie

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

Another way to start your day with a healthy breakfast, a fruit smoothie is great for waking you up in the morning with a little bit of natural sugar as opposed to caffeine filled coffee or energy drinks. Add in some oats, and now you have an incredibly quick and easy-to-make morning meal that will you keep you full of energy for hours to come, even after you have digested the fruits.

  • 1 cup coconut milk (you can use almond, soy or regular milk too!)
  • 10 strawberries
  • 1 large frozen banana
  • ¾ cup rolled oats
  • 1 teaspoon tahitian vanilla
  • 1 teaspoon raw honey

Get the Full Recipe from Know Your Produce . . .

Maple Baked Salmon

Maple Salmon

When it comes to entrees, it difficult to get healthier than fish. Salmon is high in protein, low in bad fats, and filled with omega-3 fatty acids that are good for your heart. This recipe is simple to make and quick to prepare. The signature difference between it and other baked salmon recipes is that this has a sweet maple glaze that will make the mouth of even the most passionate fish hater water.

  • 6 salmon fillets (6 ounces each)
  • 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup maple syrup
  • 3 tablespoons reduced-sodium soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
  • 1/4 teaspoon pepper
  • 4 teaspoons sliced almonds, toasted, optional

Get the Full Recipe from Taste of Home . . .

Lemon Chicken

Lemon Chicken

While not nearly as healthy as fish, chicken is still an excellent source of protein that is lower in fat than red meats, like beef. This surprisingly easy to make recipe will leave you looking like a master chef to your family after they take their first bite. If you want to make this recipe even healthier, we suggest using skinless chicken instead.

  • 1 1/2 pounds chicken thighs, skin-on, bone-in, trimmed of excess fat
  • 1 tablespoon whole grain mustard
  • 1 tablespoon lemon zest (1 teaspoon for rub and 2 teaspoons for sauce)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
  • 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil (1 tablespoon for rub, 1 tablespoon for cooking)
  • 1/4 cup (60 ml) lemon juice (about 1 lemon)
  • 1 1/4 cups (300 ml) low-sodium chicken stock
  • 2 garlic cloves, smashed
  • 1 tablespoon unsalted butter
  • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

Get the Full Recipe from Inspired Taste . . .

Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Honey and Cinnamon

Roasted Sweet Potatoes

Potatoes are the perfect side dish for many meals. However, your standard white potatoes are not very healthy for you. Introdcuing their equally delecious cousin—the sweet potato. The sweet potatoe is high in complex carbohydrates (taking longer to breakdown meaning you feel fuller longer) and all important fiber. This recipe embraces the sweet in sweet potatoes by adding honey and cinnamon for a both healthy and flavorful result.

  • 4 sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes
  • 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for drizzling potatoes after cooked
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • salt and freshly ground black pepper

Get the Full Recipe from Food Network . . .

Roasted Vegetables

Roasted Vegetables

There is not much need to tell everyone how healthy vegetable are. They are awell-knownn source of nutrients and vitamins that promote excellent health. This simple recipe creates a mix of a variety of veggies that can be served as either a side dish or even a meal unto itself!

  • 2 cup broccoli florets
  • 2 cups cremini mushrooms
  • 2 cups chopped butternut squash
  • 1 zucchini, sliced and quartered
  • 1 yellow squash, sliced and quartered
  • 1 red bell pepper, chopped
  • 1 red onion, chopped
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar, or more, to taste
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons dried thyme
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Get the Full Recipe from Damn Delicious . . .

This article originally appeared on Wably as “Healthy Recipes to Start Your New Year”.

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Gift Guides

The ultimate gamer gift guide

Many a would-be gift giver has a gamer on their list of beloved friends and family. However, it’s not always simple to find the perfect gamer gift.

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christmas gift holiday present with bow

christmas gift holiday present with bow

With the holiday season upon us, many a would-be gift giver is sure to have a gamer on their list of beloved friends and family. And theoretically it should be easy to buy a gift for a gamer, just buy them a game. Duh. However, it’s not always that simple. Well never fear, this holiday season you can be sure to get the gift of their gaming dreams with our gamer gift guide.

So how might you end up in a situation where you can’t just buy your favorite gamer a game they’re interested in? Well, what if they already own all the games they want right now? What if you had the perfect game in mind but your stupid sister Darcy bought it before you, and now you have to think of something else? What if you simply want your gift to be a little more original?

Whatever your reasons, now you’re on the hunt for the perfect gamer gift, but you’re not sure where to start. Don’t worry, we have a variety of ideas for you to choose from at a range of prices so you pick the best gift to match your gamer and your budget.

$20 or Less

It’s the thought that counts right? Maybe your not getting your beloved gamer a game this holiday because $60 bucks is out of your price range. Hell, you could get them three gifts for that much! The key to success at $20 or less (rhyming) is to find gaming paraphernalia they’ll love. Identify some fo their favorite series, and give them a shirt or a mug or some other trinket that will let them represent themselves as a gamer at all times.

The Legend Of Zelda Triumphant Triforce Shirt – $12.98

legend-of-zelda-shirt

Men’s OW Overwatch Logo Long Sleeve T Shirt – $12.98

overwatch-shirt

The Sun – Solaire Tarot Card T-Shirt – $11.48

Dark Souls Shirt

Funko POP Figurine – Dovahkiin – $10.00

funko-skyrim

Bethesda Fallout 4 Vault Boy Bi-Fold Wallet – $15.29

fallout-wallet

$100 or Less

You’ve saved up a little bit of money to spend on your gamer’s gift so you want it to be nice, but at the same time you aren’t willing to break the bank. In fact ,even though you’re willing to go as high as a $100 if you could come out less than that you’d be happy. That’s fine. This is the price range most gifts are going to fall into, including games themselves. It’s the same rule here as at every other tier (rhyming, again), make sure that whatever you decide to get them is personalized to them. That doesn’t mean their name needs to be custom engraved across the top of it, but if you are going to get them a themed game controller just be sure it is for a game they actually like.

Razer Firefly Chroma Custom Lighting Hard Gaming Mouse Pad – $49.99

razor-mouse-pad

Zelda Triforce Lamp – $65.95

legend-of-zelda-lamp

E-Blue Marvel Ironman 2.4G Wireless Gaming Mouse – $99.99

iron-man-mouse

DualShock 4 Wireless Controller for PlayStation 4 – Gold – $78.18

ps4-controller-gold

$100 or More

Really? Are you sure? Do you really like them all that much? Well, they are lucky to have you as a friend, and you and I should hang out sometime. If you’re planning on going all out, then you probably already have something in mind, but just in case you need a little inspiration on where to find the ultimate gamer gift . . .

Turtle Beach – Stealth 420X+ Fully Wireless Gaming Headset – Xbox One – $149.50

turtle-beach-headphones

Sony PlayStation 4 Pro – 1TB – $443.85

ps4-pro

HTC VIVE – Virtual Reality System – $799.99

htc-vive

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