There’s an area at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico where everything goes to die that scientists are calling the “Jacuzzi of Despair.” They say water seeped into the ground and mixed with salt and was then pushed back up with methane and hydrogen and oil to kill everything that comes into contact with it, except for some seriously hardy organisms that live on the edge the Jacuzzi of Despair. Also I think Jacuzzi of Despair is going to be the name of my new emo band. The scientists say it’s a good place to study what it might be like in a hostile alien environment. Jacuzzi of Despair could also describe Elon Musk’s hot tub when he and his brother are soaking in the bubbles debating whether or not we live in a simulation. And really, aren’t we all in a simmering Jacuzzi of Despair, waiting for the election to end? Seriously “Jacuzzi of Despair” is going to be the gift that keeps on giving for the rest of the week. Jacuzzi of Despair is like what John Bunyan would have named the Slough of Despond if he was a Gen Xer instead of born whenever the fuck he lived.