Gunman assaults pizzeria to prove conspiracy theory

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Anyone who visits our site regularly knows that we are pretty big fans of publicly shaming douchebags. And we have talked about some pretty messed up jerkoffs in the past, but when one of our fellow Men’s Traiters (Traitors?) sent in a nominee for our d-bag of the week, even we were a little blown away by just how much douche was in this bag.

Everyone, meet Edgar Maddison Welch, of Salisbury, North Carolina. He’s an asshole. Say, “Hi, Edgar.”

Good Ol' Ed

This weekend good ol’ Ed was arrested after he walked into a popular pizza restaurant named Comet Ping Pong in Washington, D.C., with an assault rifle. Ed pointed the gun at an employee, who fled to alert police, and then proceeded into the back of the restaurant and fired off a number of shots.

Customers evacuated the restaurant and took shelter in nearby businesses while police secured the area. Incredibly, no one was hurt, and Ed eventually surrendered to police.

But why? Why would Ed do something like this? I mean look at him. He’s clearly a sweetheart.

Edgar Wright

Well apparently Ed, good ol’ Ed, is one of an astonishingly large number of imbecilic misinformed people who believe in “PizzaGate”. “PizzaGate” refers to a conspiracy theory started by a fake news site that claims then-Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and her campaign chief were running a child sex ring out of the back of Comet Ping Pong. Ed’s – and we are being generous here – “plan” was to “self-investigate” the premise and presumably be a hero or some other bullshit.

The owners of Comet Ping Pong, and other neighboring businesses, have been harassed non-stop ever since the baseless story first hit the web. Apparently, there is an old, painted over symbol on their marquee that is purportedly an international sign for pedophilia that is the “source” of all this.

The pizzeria has been attacked on social media, sent death threats, had their children threatened, and this weekend their worst fears finally came true in the form of Ed.

Good ol’ Ed.

Last modified: December 6, 2016