A lot of readers have sent this in, and I have to admit that I’m not really amused.
A teacher named John Sousa at Wesley Chapel High School in Pasco County, Florida (which is near Tampa), has been suspended for telling a group of his black students, “Don’t make me call Donald Trump and get you sent back to Africa.”
Now, this is a serious matter, and not just because that is some messed up racist stuff for a white adult in a position of authority to be saying that to a group of black children in his care. No, as you may have figured out by now, putting 2 and 2 together, the dude’s name is John Sousa.
Which also happens to be my name.
I have been accused of a lot nefarious things in my day, but absolutely nothing compares to being accused, even jokingly, of being the literal “Florida Man.”
I can almost hear him saying this, too, he probably thought it was a terrific joke. It’s the kind of joke my dad would have made, thinking that because he was down, like some sort of Honorary Brother he could make jokes like that. And funnily enough my dad used to be a substitute high school social studies teacher, and while his name is Ray, he’s been telling everyone his name is John for the last 10 years or so. Anyway, John Sousa, who, again, is not me, if he was joking, didn’t read his room very well.
This is worse than the time a guy with the last name of Souza (which is close enough, and I have cousins who spell it that way), who also happened to live in my home town, killed himself and his family while I was home from college on summer break, and all of my college friends thought it was my dad and that I had been murder-suicided while I’d been away.
This is worse than the time a guy with the last name of Sousa taunted Tatiana the Tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas Day, provoking Tatiana into straight up eating his ass, causing my phone to start going off, asking if he was a relative of mine, and if I was okay.
It turns out I was okay, because I wasn’t related to any of these people and I had never met them. And I’m sure I’ll be okay this time, because I’m not this John Sousa. I’ve been to Tampa but I never left the airport, I just changed planes there. Left my Kindle on the plane. That sucked.
But not as much as it sucks to have everyone think I’m the guy who told his students that I’m going to call Donald Trump and have them sent back to Africa.
I would never do that.