So your favorite candidate has just dropped out of the race. Now you just can’t get behind the candidate who seems to be the front-runner. Trump, Cruz, Clinton. You’re so sick of these elections. It’s always some corrupt idiot. That’s it! It’s time to leave your moronic fellow Americans behind and move to a new country. One where the political process is less grueling and the Government provides a smaller/bigger social safety net. A place where people think like you do. But where to go? Well, these are some of your best choices for leaving America based on your favorite candidate. But before you break out the suitcase and put your house on the market, you might want to consider that unless you have a Ph.D. in Nuclear Engineering, it is incredibly difficult to legally immigrate to any developed nation. The days of immigrants arriving on a ship without a dime in their pocket is long over in the Western World. Unless you have a company sponsoring you for a visa, it will take a lot of time and money, if it is possible at all. Which might give you some insight into why we have so many illegal immigrants.
Brazil has a long history of immigration, and it is easier than a lot of other countries to immigrate to. One of the most interesting chapters in the history of Brazil, and something that might really appeal to Trump supporters, is the story of the Confederados. After the Civil War, a large number of former plantation owners moved to Brazil, seeking to recreate the conditions they had enjoyed before the war. Why Brazil? Well, cotton grows well there, and slavery was still legal. They established independent enclaves in the south of the country where they built baptist churches, grew cotton, and pretty much just acted like the Civil War never happened. Their descendants have largely been assimilated by now, but maybe you could get some friends together and do the same thing? I’m sure Donald Trump would happily come rule you like a king if asked. Brazil, like a lot of South American countries, will let you take up permanent residence status in the country if you can prove you are investing into local companies — though it is to the order of $160,000. Otherwise you need to get someone in Brazil to hire you to do something that they can demonstrate there is no one in Brazil who is qualified to do.
Uganda might seem like a weird choice for all you Cruz fans, but actually it’s right up your alley. Uganda has a large population of evangelical Christians. There is little in the way of government welfare programs and you’re looking at a standard 30% tax rate. Also, and this is what I think you’re really going to like, gay marriage is totally illegal in Uganda. In fact, homosexuality itself is illegal in Uganda and punishable by life imprisonment. So if you’re looking for a place where you’ll never have to sell a cake to a gay couple, Uganda is the place for you. Immigration to Uganda seems relatively simple. It will require filling out forms detailing how you are going to help invest in the Ugandan economy or work for someone who does. Either way, the requirement is lower than for a lot of other countries.
Rubio: Costa Rica
Costa Rica is a country in Central America with a large population of US Expats. Part of that is because they get to pretend they live in a jungle paradise, and part of it is it’s easy to move there and it isn’t as dangerous as some other places in Latin America. Costa Rica is the only country to have a self-described libertarian government. There are little social security or welfare systems and the presence of law enforcement is spotty at best. Most rich expats actually hire their own guards to protect their houses from being burglarized. So private police and no welfare, sounds like an establishment GOP dream. Immigrating to Costa Rica is easier than a lot of places but you’ll still need savings of around 200,000 to do it legally.
Sanders: The Netherlands
The Netherlands has a lot of the things Bernie Sanders is promising. College is free and the social welfare net is pretty expansive. Of course, as you may already know, marijuana is legal in Amsterdam, which is something that excites a lot of Sanderites. Establishing residency in the Netherlands is pretty difficult, as is the case for most of Western Europe. You basically have to have someone sponsor your visa as an employee or establish that you have special skills that will benefit the economy.
Ireland will appeal to Kasich Supporters for a lot of reasons. It is one of the more conservative countries with a predominantly white population. Abortion is fairly restricted. In addition, social welfare programs aren’t as extensive as in the rest of Europe and the taxes are a bit lower as well. It fits up pretty closely with a lot of Kasich positions, including a begrudging acceptance of gay marriage. Immigrating to Ireland requires securing a job that pays over 60,000 euros a year, or one that pays 30,000 a year if you have a highly desired skill like IT work or nursing. After five years of residency you can apply for permanent residency and work on a citizenship.
Australia is a lot like America. It’s a country that is a former British colony and, like most former British colonies that aren’t America, it’s just a little bit to the left of us. It’s basically what Clinton is proposing with some higher taxes, more rights for women in the workplace, and a more comprehensive medical coverage plan. If you’re younger than 30, you can get a permit to work in Australia for a few months. Establishing residency is your standard, get an offer of employment or show you have some skills which will pay the country’s bills.